[Playing footsie in a restaurant that most could only dream of visiting while dressed to the nines and exchanging fond looks and meaningful glances with a longtime friend-slash-rival turned lover...it's certainly not something Wakatoshi ever predicted for himself, let alone expected to enjoy. He's not the type to start looking a gift horse in the mouth, so he takes it for what it is, pats his foot against Sakusa's as he smoothly orders their meal for them based on recommendations, what Sakusa has said he likes and dislikes over the years, and his own online research.
But when Sakusa, brimming with an almost tangible anxiety that Wakatoshi can feel from his side of the table, begins to fidget and talk in that blunt and certain way of his, Wakatoshi finds himself lowering his foot and breathing a little deeper and slower. Expectant, although unsure of what to expect.
Ah, he thinks he understands now. Treading new territory.]
Kiyoomi...
[With nowhere to go, and nothing to hold onto, his large hands lay flat on the wrinkle-free and spotless tablecloth, his gaze soon following.]
My parents dated and married because it was what was expected of them. My father, the kind and cheerful athlete, and my mother, the stern and traditional housewife. They...did not have a lot in common. They eventually divorced. Even despite this, I was always held to the expectations of others. What an ace should be like, what a team should do for its ace, what a relationship should be like...
[Jaw tightening, he shakes his head and forces himself to relax with a sigh.]
I've tried being with someone that was expressive and cute. I suppose you could call them mercurial. It did not work out between us.
[That's putting it lightly. It was disastrous. Perhaps doomed from the start depending on who was asked; and considering they wanted different things the other could not readily provide, or just different people in general, Wakatoshi, in hindsight, would agree.
It was a learning experience and since then, Wakatoshi knew it was best for his sake to go for what he wanted versus what other people expected him.
He lifts his gaze back onto Sakusa.]
I've since learned what I want. Someone who understands I do things at a different pace, and that I might not always understand the latest trends or craze and that I might prefer a quiet night in and that sometimes I would rather fill space with comfortable silence because I don't always have something to say.
You're that person for me, Kiyoomi. I don't have any expectations of you. But I also won't pretend to know what it is that you need or want. I only know I will do everything I can to give it to you. But I also understand if it might be overwhelming or uncomfortable for you...
[He reaches a hand over across the table, fingertips coming to a rest on the inside of Sakusa's wrist, as he remembers they're about to eat and Sakusa has already washed his hands.]
no subject
But when Sakusa, brimming with an almost tangible anxiety that Wakatoshi can feel from his side of the table, begins to fidget and talk in that blunt and certain way of his, Wakatoshi finds himself lowering his foot and breathing a little deeper and slower. Expectant, although unsure of what to expect.
Ah, he thinks he understands now. Treading new territory.]
Kiyoomi...
[With nowhere to go, and nothing to hold onto, his large hands lay flat on the wrinkle-free and spotless tablecloth, his gaze soon following.]
My parents dated and married because it was what was expected of them. My father, the kind and cheerful athlete, and my mother, the stern and traditional housewife. They...did not have a lot in common. They eventually divorced. Even despite this, I was always held to the expectations of others. What an ace should be like, what a team should do for its ace, what a relationship should be like...
[Jaw tightening, he shakes his head and forces himself to relax with a sigh.]
I've tried being with someone that was expressive and cute. I suppose you could call them mercurial. It did not work out between us.
[That's putting it lightly. It was disastrous. Perhaps doomed from the start depending on who was asked; and considering they wanted different things the other could not readily provide, or just different people in general, Wakatoshi, in hindsight, would agree.
It was a learning experience and since then, Wakatoshi knew it was best for his sake to go for what he wanted versus what other people expected him.
He lifts his gaze back onto Sakusa.]
I've since learned what I want. Someone who understands I do things at a different pace, and that I might not always understand the latest trends or craze and that I might prefer a quiet night in and that sometimes I would rather fill space with comfortable silence because I don't always have something to say.
You're that person for me, Kiyoomi. I don't have any expectations of you. But I also won't pretend to know what it is that you need or want. I only know I will do everything I can to give it to you. But I also understand if it might be overwhelming or uncomfortable for you...
[He reaches a hand over across the table, fingertips coming to a rest on the inside of Sakusa's wrist, as he remembers they're about to eat and Sakusa has already washed his hands.]
...I can stop or slow down, if you want me to.